Dig Your Way Out Of It – Bishop T.D. Jakes and Friends

Many of us are working and building without a sign of blessing. For this nontraditional Bible study, we gathered a group of panelists who had to dig their ways out of life’s ditches. Their stories reveal the power in your shovel. We don’t dig solely to bury but to plant and make room for a new foundation. Dig deeper with the transformative life lessons shared by journalist Rebecca Lopez, T.O.R.I. executive director Tina Naidoo, Pastor Michael Phillips, and business professional Dr. Michael Hicks Jr.

[Music]

well i was praying about what to do and

one of the things that i’m learning

is that when god delivers a mighty word

when god delivers a strong word that

it’s not always good to throw another

word on top of that word without really

digging down into that word oh

amen

amen because just because we taught it

doesn’t mean that you fully got it bri

bring that shovel because i said

something about digging out

digging out

yeah

we’re we’re gonna dig this thing now

this particular shovel pastor robinson

let me borrow it this is one of the

shovels that we use for the

groundbreaking of the building you’re in

right now

see that

and that means that that that the

building you’re in right now started

with with a shovel and a big hole in the

ground

and for me this means a whole lot of

stuff this means a whole lot of stuff

because at the time i held this shovel

in my hand to thrust it into the ground

to build an 80 i think it was a 86 83

million dollar building uh i didn’t have

the money

i didn’t i didn’t even have i didn’t

even have the down payment on the money

i didn’t have a loan approved

i didn’t have a bank that was give us

the money

i had enough money to dig out the hole

and we dug we

we dug out the hole not just with shovel

but with bulldozers we dug out the hole

we dug the hole we dug the hole and it

was a big huge hole

and it was so exciting and the church

was excited and they were dancing and

shouting because i was preaching faith

and power and we dug the hole and they

started shouting

until grass started growing in it

and they were still shouting a little

bit

but then then water started filling up

the hole

and time passed

and i couldn’t get a breakthrough

and and while we were digging

the hole to build the building

i ended up having to dig a hole

to bury my mother

so when i see this shovel

i see a whole i see a whole lot of

things i see stress

and struggle

and and pain

and and i finally drove past the whole i

draft pass this was a hole i drafted

past it every day going around to the

building i told god i said i’m not

worried about that building

i said i’m not building that for my

children i don’t have a five

this is for your children

and if you don’t provide for your

children

i’m gonna have the biggest swimming pool

in dallas

i am i’m gonna put some concrete in it

and paint it blue and just open up the

biggest swimming pool that they have

ever seen in all their life because the

battle is not mine

[Music]

y’all don’t hear what i’m saying it

belongs to the lord i said it belongs to

the lord

and and we’re we’re gonna talk tonight

uh i got so many uh praise reports and

testimonies uh from from

building for expansion when i was

teaching on it sunday so many people

said it blessed them and touched them it

changed their lives people were talking

about how they were crying how they were

touched we’re going to go a little bit

deeper because everywhere i could go on

instagram facebook twitter everywhere

else they were saying i got my shovel

and i’m ready to dig

and somebody was showing me emojis of

people digging

i i didn’t even know they had emojis of

people digging

i guess they call them emojis those

little video things and and they digging

they just digging and digging then

digging and digging then they start

digging again the same dig that they dug

before and everybody was sending me

stuff like that about digging and stuff

like that and i wondered in my mind

beyond the excitement

when it comes to practicality do we

really understand

what that means

let’s back up a minute and go back to

the text where i started from when when

i started

into the text

i i was i was in second kings 3 8

through 19

and and i’m not gonna give you the whole

thing

but tonight instead of talking about

building for expansion we’re gonna talk

about dig your way out

okay

dig your way out

i made a statement in the early part and

it says and he said which way shall we

go up and he answered the way through

the wilderness of edom

so the king of israel went and the king

of judah and the king of edom

the king of israel the king of judah and

the king of edom now i want to stop

there and say something to you the king

of israel

jehoshaphat

no jehoram

the king of judah jehoshaphat

and the king of edom

had nothing in common

they had nothing

in common they had different belief

systems

they had different people

but they had come together because they

had a common enemy

the moabites were trying to destroy them

and

the reason i stress that point

is that

sometimes people only want to work with

people who are like them

who look like them or who act like them

or who vote like them or who think like

them or who worship like them

you know people have all these ideas

what are you doing with so-and-so and so

come out from among them and be

separated

but be separated doesn’t mean that god

won’t use

other people

to be a blessing in your life

in fact

god used prostitutes

oh y’all don’t know your bible

he he he he used some of the most

ungodly people he sent old backslidden

jonah

to preach the gospel

jonah the runaway preacher

who openly defied and disobeyed god sent

him to run a revival

and the revival was effective

the whole nation got saved and jonah got

mad

and god still used it

because in order to accomplish his

purpose god will use whosoever he will

to get done what he’s trying to get done

you should learn something from god

about that

when god gives you a purpose he may not

use your relatives and he may not use

your friends and he may not use who you

had in mind but when god determines to

bless you you’ve got to build a circle

that doesn’t stress you

come on somebody you got to build a

circle that doesn’t stretch you and some

of you are so particular about who you

connect with that your vision is delayed

suppose the king of judah would have

said i have been loyal to god i have

served god when when the king of israel

way back when you all were serving idols

and worshiping bail

your mama was jezebel

i had no deal with you your mama was

jezebel

tried to kill my teacher

why would i have anything to do with you

your father was an idolater

and even though you weren’t as bad as

they were you have your issues with

jehovah he said no no no no

for the immediate need

it is expedient

that we form connection

to overcome the moabites because the

moabites have threatened to kill us

and come on king of edom i’ll take you

too i’m not an edomite

but i’ll connect with you

there are not be

such a thing as black churches and white

churches and

latino churches and

millennial churches and boomer churches

and

baptist churches and methodist churches

and all kind of we got all kinds of ways

to describe our biases

but in reality

when you get in trouble i mean really in

trouble

when you really get in trouble i’ve been

in trouble and had a doctor and couldn’t

spell his name

but if he could get me better

if he could get me better i went and got

the treatment you hear what i’m saying

i went to and i’d be asking my wife what

was his name again

but if if the medicine is good

if the surgery is good i do i never

asked the paramedic what his faith was

before he he he came on a carpet no no

no don’t touch me

you you no no you jehovah witness you

can’t touch me no

no i don’t care what you are give me

that oxygen give me that put the oxygen

on we will convert you later but right

now i got to breathe

we’ll have a religious theological

debate in a minute but right now i’m

focused on breathing now maybe you’re

different maybe you would rather

asphyxiate

but me i like breathing

i know that’s crazy but i kind of like

breathing and if i can get some oxygen i

don’t care whether it’s white folks

oxygen or black folks oxygen or jamaican

oxygen or haitian or oxygen i just a

brother like me just want some oxygen

you understand what i’m saying i don’t

care whether what color my waiter is i

don’t care if it’s a woman or a man if i

if i want some chicken just bring me

some chicken he can bring a little boy

bring me some chicken bring me some

chicken i want to eat

they formed an alliance and the alliance

led to the destruction of the moabites

because they understood how to make

connection

and then they started through the

wilderness

and they got in the middle of the

wilderness at the word of the prophet

and they found out in order to go

further

they had to dig ditches

into a dry

riverbed

now the riverbed was already

big enough to hold water

but what god was going to do was so much

bigger

than the riverbed

that the prophet said dig ditches in

your valley

and seven days into the trip

they had to dig ditches in their valley

in the wilderness

without water

in the hot sun

so they had to sweat it out

and god did not alleviate the sweat to

perform the miracle oh

god did not alleviate the sweat see see

a lot of us we are sitting back like

this you know when the lord gets ready

he gonna make the way

and i’m gonna sit here and wait on the

lord had they sat there in the

wilderness and waited on the lord they

would have died

they had to have the faith to go as far

as they could with what they had

and as they as they began to sweat in

the wilderness

every shovel

god didn’t send them no cloud

no thunder

no encouragement no sign that help was

on the way somebody watching me right

now you don’t even see daylight you

don’t see no sign that help is on the

way but just because you don’t see no

wind

and just because you don’t see no rain

that mean you’re not gonna get water

the lord said i’m gonna send you the

water

you’re not gonna see it coming how many

people are ready for a blessing you

don’t even see coming

and unexpected

supernatural

blessing to sustain you and give you

increase and take you to the i don’t

know about you but i’m ready i’m ready

for it i’m ready for i’m ready for god

to rock my world and blow my mind all at

the same time to rock my world and blow

my mind and i’m making room for it i’m

making it increa increase increase my my

constant prayer is increase my capacity

to pass to to go from pastoring in west

virginia a storefront church to pastor

in this church god had to increase my

capacity i had never had to believe god

for that kind of

money and that kind of crowd this many

pews and this much staff

i got as many staff members as i had

church members at one time

and i said god you’re gonna have to

increase

my capacity capacity capacity for

pressure

capacity for deadlines

capacity for stress

capacity for anxiety i got here i ran

into problems that i had never seen

in west virginia

but if god thought enough of me to sin

whom the lord calls he qualifies

and i came to tell every person in this

room you can do this

i know it’s hot but you can do this

i know you’re sweating but you can do

this

i know it’s tough and the ground is hard

but you can do this or god wouldn’t have

put you in the situation in the first

place if you can’t do this

look at somebody and and just yell at

them like you yell at your kids don’t

use your little nice voice you use the

word like you yell at your kids say you

can do this

[Applause]

[Music]

you can do this

you can do this don’t give up on your

dream don’t give up on your hope don’t

give up on your promise don’t give up on

your prophecy don’t give up on your

destiny don’t give up on what god calls

you can do you can do this

it may stretch you it may expand you it

may enlarge you you may have to build

more structure but you can do

this

i rebuke every devil that’s been telling

you that you don’t have what it takes to

get the job done you

can

god i feel like i’m talking to somebody

already

you you you can do this

i never did it before yeah but you can

do this they’ve never done it before but

you get to i didn’t study this at school

yeah i get that but you can do this i

don’t have a degree in that yeah i get

that but you can do this if you couldn’t

do this god wouldn’t put you in the

situation whom he calls he qualifies you

can do this you can do this and if you

don’t know what you’re doing get

somebody who does and partner with them

say i got the calling and you got the

information let’s get together and make

this happen you can do this partnership

right there that partnership

is the way to prophecy

when you partner god makes it possible

god told eve it must prevail so you

bring forth children but she couldn’t do

it by herself

he said the seed of the woman should

rise up and bruise the head of the

serpent and the serpent shall bruise his

heel hey problem woman ain’t got no seed

but she had a partner

but her partner didn’t have no womb

but y’all don’t hear what i’m saying

see all of creation is built on

partnership and connections

and i’m wondering are you making the

right connections

for what’s next in your life

and what are you willing

to slay

what are you willing to slay

to get there what are you willing to

change

in order to get there

how much of what you say that’s just how

i am

that’s the kind of stuff we got to put

on the cross

we got to put that just how i am

we got to nail it to the cross

see y’all all right we’re putting jesus

on the cross y’all all right we’re

putting lambs on the cross you don’t

even mind putting goats on the cross but

when i start talking about putting you

on the cross you get real quiet but in

order to get what god wants to get done

you got to get rid of just how that’s

just how i am and start saying here i am

lord make me what you want me to be

enlarge my territory increase my

capacity strengthen my gates i’m ready

to go to the next level i’m ready for

this lord anyway you bless me lord i’ll

be satisfied if i have to go get me 12

disciples i’m going to change the world

before i get out of here hey peter stop

fishing i’m going to get you hey matthew

stop collecting tax i’m going to go get

you hey phillip come on over here boy

i’m gonna get you and little by little

start putting together the strategy that

it takes when no

is not an option

say with me no it’s not an option

[Applause]

i’m gonna dig my way out of it

i’m gonna i’m gonna roll a video and i’m

gonna bring out a panel of people and

we’re gonna talk about four people who

had to dig their way

out of things and we’re gonna have a

talk a very practical talk

of how do we take what we hear on sunday

and use it on monday

how do we take what we shouted about we

sang about we know god said it just say

up the lord dig ditches in your life

hallelujah yeah now uh excuse me uh how

do i do that uh

i i did bring my shovel

you know i didn’t bring my shirt i

didn’t have a bulldozer because i

thought you was gonna do something cute

like you did before and let it just rain

like you know

you know you you could make it rain

without digging

noah didn’t have to dig and you you you

made it rain uh you know you you you you

made it rain when elijah prayed you

can’t compare your story with somebody

else’s story

what god has for you

is for you who am i talking to already

wait till you meet this panel and watch

what they had to dig through to get

where they are

rotate

god put your greatest miracle

in your greatest mess

you gotta sweat in the dry places

and the lord told me to tell you you’ve

gone as far as you can go by yourself

god said i want you to have sweat equity

because if you don’t sweat

you won’t take care of this

i want you to put your back into it

please welcome our special guests

executive director of tori a prison

re-entry program which she has grown

into a nationally recognized

reintegration platform that has provided

a second chance to over 35 000 returning

citizens tina naidu

seven-time emmy-winning reporter and

winner of the national edward r murrow

award for her coverage of domestic

violence

she is a survivor who became a voice for

all survivors rebecca lopez

he is a pastor author speaker and

advocate who inspires with his life

story of transformation and redemption

pastor michael phillips

an accomplished business professional

and executive with cvs health he is also

dedicated to serving ministering to and

mentoring inner city children and young

people dr michael anthony hicks jr god

said dig it out

one more time give him a big round of

applause

but y’all look good i feel like i’m on

the talk or the view or something

am i whoopi

i guess that makes me feel pretty if i’m

wrong with you that’s cool welcome here

we’re glad to have you here

we’re glad for your life we’re glad for

your story

we’re glad for your accomplishments

we’re glad for the things that god has

done in your life

uh and and we’re glad that you didn’t

quit

i’m real glad you did great

yeah i’m glad that you didn’t quit

sometimes god allows you to go through

things

so that you can model for someone else

how to go through

because we don’t always grow up in homes

where we had models

sometimes we grow up in homes where we

had mess

and god will put us in a church or on a

job or in a community

where somebody can model to us

that

things don’t have to start well to end

well

as you like to say wrong lanes have

right turns

you you can start out wrong

and and end up right we were talking in

the back rebecca and and you’re on tv

and you’ve been on tv for a while and

you’ve been in our church how long have

you been in our church more than 15

years now has it been 15 years

my god

thank you dude

and you’ve been at wfaa how long we were

going on 25 years 25 years on wfaa and

had seven emmy awards

and the prestigious national edward r

monroe award for your coverage of

domestic violence

how

yeah yeah that’s that’s big stuff

i happen to know because i’m your pastor

you you covered domestic violence but

you’ve been through

domestic violence my first memory as a

child

i was probably about four or five years

old i remember it so vividly was my dad

beating my mother up and my mom was

trying to reach for a phone

uh on that back then the phones were on

the walls and she was trying to grab the

phone off the wall

and she was just screaming for help and

i was standing there feeling helpless

not knowing what to do not knowing how

to help her wanting to help and i was

just i just cried and cried and cried

and cried

and then on top of that i was sexually

abused as a child starting at about five

until i was 10 years old

you know my life i felt

unworthy

a lot of times you and i’ve had this

conversation before

so i kept doing things in my life in my

personal life in my

work life i was in my career i was

excelling but in my personal life i was

totally broken i was broken because

i felt

unworthy unlovable so i kept making the

same mistakes and doing the same thing

over and over again and getting the same

results you know

thank you for saying that and thank you

for your transparency

and and thank you for enduring that for

what what really

sings out to me

is that you can be doing good in one

area

and be doing really bad in another area

and people are so mesmerized by how

you’re doing good in that area

that that they don’t see your pain how

much

how much pain

did you ingest to to have been

raised in an abusive home

uh molested as a child

and and seemingly can’t escape the

prison of feeling unworthy there was a

lot of pain bishop a lot of nights where

i cried myself to sleep i went from one

bad relationship to the next to the next

thinking that that’s how i was gonna

find the love that i needed and it was

the wrong place i was like that song i

was looking for love in all the wrong

places

and i came to you and you said stop

reaching back to what’s familiar you

you’re better than that dig dig deep

inside of you and find something better

for your life and i’ll never forget

on a thanksgiving day i was at home and

i was alone and i was crying on the

floor by myself with no one to spend my

thanksgiving with my son had gone off

with his father because i went through a

divorce and so and i lost everything in

that divorce and i’m there in an

apartment i’m broke i mean bishop i’m

telling you there were times when i was

having to go through seat cushions here

i am on channel 8 news and i am broke

looking for money just to put gas in my

car

and i was i was just very desperate

and a friend said come to church with me

and i grew up catholic so i didn’t know

what to expect and i came here

and it was

there were people running around and i

wasn’t sure what to expect

it was a culture shock for me

but

you know it i heard you and i heard you

loud and clear

do something different yeah and i had to

dig deep and i did something different i

joined god’s leading ladies and before

you knew it

i had saved up money

yes god’s playing ladies other than

graduates out there i saved up money

where i couldn’t even afford to put gas

in my car i

started shopping at ross dress for less

i started saving all this money and i

raised enough money to buy myself a

house 20 000

cash wow

wow wow

oh you ought to shout for her

it must have been very difficult because

you work in a profession where those

women wear bad dresses

they wear those expensive 500

800 dresses and you’re shopping to pay

for less in any place you can

i actually had somebody come up to me

and say

you know people are talking about you

they wonder why your hair looks the way

it does and why you look like you were

wearing cheap makeup and why you dress

so shabby

and you know i mean i had scuffed up

shoes i couldn’t i couldn’t afford

anything because i was trying to focus

on my son and raising my son and putting

food on my table i really honestly i had

to get to a point where i just said you

know what i don’t care what people think

about me i don’t care

i i don’t and i still feel that way if i

mean to me

it’s all about who you are inside it

funny that while you were struggling to

to learn how to feel worthy and not go

back to what’s familiar which is not

easy to do by the way

because once a pattern is set up in your

life it’s hard to break a pattern and

and you it’s easy to be what you see

and and in the midst of growing to

become worthy you still have priorities

right because a lot of women wouldn’t

have been worried about raising their

son they’d have been worried about doing

their hair

and i focused everything on him he

became well he is my pride and joy you

guys know jacob he’s actually worked

around here at the potter’s house and

you know when i look at him now in

college and doing and i okay now i’m

gonna get emotional doing the things

that he’s doing and he loves god

and he used to sit right there on the

second row and sometimes he’d be playing

on his phone i’m like bishop is

preaching you know and he but he but you

you but what you preached got into his

soul and he is such a great human being

and um

that’s the proudest thing i think i’ve

ever done in my life was i put him first

wow

all of us are working on ourselves about

something

we’re not there yet we get working our

way to worthy is a process

and it’s a mental thing and it’s a

personal thing and even if you got your

hair done and your makeup done and you

paid five thousand dollars for a dress

still doesn’t necessarily mean

that you’re any better on the inside

how what did you say to yourself after

you walked out of my office i remember

us talking

after you walked out of my office what

did you say to yourself that started to

bring yourself to dig your way out

inside see digging your way outside

isn’t always the problem

digging your way out inside

that’s the problem that’s where the

enemy wants to really destroy you what

what kind of things did you have to say

to yourself because i want people who

are watching online and people who are

in the room because they’re not going to

all stand up and hold their hand up but

there are people in the room right now

who are going through what you’re going

through in one shape or another and it

is not uncommon for somebody who has

been sexually abused as a child to feel

unworthy when you start out being used

you feel like a toy and so it’s very

natural for you to become somebody

else’s toy

you know and i if i do this will you

like me if i do that will you like me if

i do this will you love me and so you

get into this exchange game

what did you start saying to yourself

you know i think i just got to the point

where i was sick and tired of being sick

and tired i was just sick of myself i

was sick of going through the same thing

and i think my friends were sick of me

too because they’re like if you come to

me one more time to talk about

the same problem over and over you just

keep repeating it yourself why do you

keep doing this and i finally said you

know what i have to stop

i am going to stop and i literally went

through my phone

and i deleted

people’s numbers

people that i knew were dragging me into

places i shouldn’t go into things that i

and that being who i didn’t want to be i

deleted i literally i cut people out of

my life and that may sound harsh but i

had to cut some people out of my life in

order for me to grow

and i kept remembering my friends like

why doesn’t god bring you know bo as we

all pray for boaz um and finally my

friend said you know what stop searching

stop looking start loving yourself start

digging deep in yourself and start

spending time on you spend time go

through god’s leading ladies go through

things that make you better and that’s

what i did and you know i guess i’ll

probably announce it now i have now he

was sitting right in front of me one of

my best friends for 15 years but i

couldn’t see him because i was over here

you know thinking that all these other

you know fun guys the bad guys were the

people that you know were the fun people

but he was right in front of me one of

my best friends and we have an

incredible relationship and um and i

believe that you know god has finally

blessed wow

so so

you ended up with mr frond

instead of mr familiar exactly

wow

somebody ought to say man to that

do you know how much courage it takes to

be a public figure

and to stand on the stage

and talk about your private life

that’s the sacrificial lamb

that’s an offering

because rebecca has to go to work

tomorrow at wfaa and do the news

and she had to cover domestic violence

having experienced it

no wonder you won an award in it because

you threw your heart into it

yeah the um

there was a story of a woman named

deanna cook and she died

calling 9-1-1

she wanted help and no one

could they couldn’t get to her because

there was a failure in the system both

from the reaction of the dallas police

department and also what was happening

in the 911 call center and she died and

i heard that tape i heard her for eight

minutes

dying pleading for help and i thought

that could be my mom and so when i look

and when i tell the stories of domestic

violence victims that brought it all

back to me

and i wanted to change things and so my

stories on domestic violence and how

dallas police responded and what they

did actually changed the way dpd now

responds to domestic violence calls

wow

see when when i talk about bill for

expansion

everything you went through god then put

you in a place of expansion where you

had a voice

that little girl who watched her mother

get beat up didn’t have a voice but now

you have a voice that’s able to move

things through the police department

through the whole city and want all

these awards god gave you a voice and

empowered you and those of you that are

listening at me right now you might be

in a situation where you feel voiceless

but god is going to give you a voice and

he’s going to give you influence and

he’s going to give you the ability to

change your situation and the reason you

went through everything you went through

is so you could become an answer to

somebody else’s problem and meet their

need talk to me somebody talk to me talk

to me

i’m i’m going to get to to the rest of

you but your story is so provocative to

me to me

when you when you when you look back

over your life and and you and you look

at jacob

and you’re raising your son

while you’re raising yourself

you know

that was probably one of the hardest

things for me because i was ashamed of

who i had become

and i kept looking at him and i wanted

him to just be different i wanted him to

be better than what i was

and that was hard it was a struggle

because

i wanted so hard for my son just to

see strength even though i was falling

apart inside and that’s when i knew i

had to change bishop when i i came and i

sat right there on the second row and i

heard you preach

and like everyone has probably

experienced i felt like you were talking

directly to me

and and i said you know what

this is what i need to do this is where

my son and i need to be and that’s how i

grew i grew because god got inside of me

and god spoke to me god got insanity it

was god it was it was

god

part of

her digging

was deleting

she didn’t need a shovel

every time she deleted a number she was

digging her way out

it’s no need for her to go home and

start digging in the backyard because

that’s not the shovel she needed she

needed the shovel to be able to say no

and to get saying no gave her her voice

back

everything she’s saying has something to

do with getting your voice back

the ability to say no

that’s getting your voice back

the ability to win awards as a news

anchor that’s getting your voice back

to the ability to cover a story you used

to be in

y’all are not talking to me

let’s get your voice back and before

it’s over i’m going to give you a chance

to ask questions so stay online and i

want you to start sending questions in

because maybe you might need uh some

direct information from one of my guests

tonight that will help you to become who

you are tina you have done such an

amazing job with tori

thank you

you have been here since you were in

school

i have watched you grow up you look just

like you did the day i first saw you you

haven’t changed a bit i have watched you

grow up you’ve been here since you’ve

been in school you’ve become the

director of our texas offenders reentry

initiative you’ve won how many awards

for tori

a lot

a lot of them

all got all kinds of awards recently you

went to canada tell us about that

um so i was invited to canada based on

a partnership a relationship that was

built at project gideon a couple years

ago

so um we were sitting at lunch during

project gideon you told us to go kill

our giant and come back we didn’t know

what the giant was so we’re just having

this conversation

and richard bragdon who’s now the member

of parliament there he was a pastor that

had come to the conference and he said

you know i really like the work that you

guys are doing can you come to canada

and show us what you’re doing

so about three three years later i go

out there i visit their prison i talk to

their ceos their businesses and

at the time he was running for office he

didn’t win

and so i didn’t think anything of it and

here we were this year 2021 in february

i get a call

and he says tina um i’m actually a

member of parliament now i’m a private

member and there’s a lotto system and

this never happens

but

i have been chosen to write a bill

and this private member’s bill is going

to come through senate and i need you to

be a witness

in the senate committee hearing

i know you do this all the time

so um i ended up where

yes so an american girl

goes to canada in the middle of a

pandemic

to speak before the parliament of canada

to change their policy on how they

handle ex-offenders yes sir

yes sir

yeah

it’s

it’s an incredible it was an incredible

feeling it was just it was it was so

surreal because for so long i’ve

followed you you know i’ve been here 25

years

and you never do church like traditional

church and you’re always talking about

global and

infiltrating markets and partnerships

and intersecting worlds and

and so i just never knew what our little

small program in texas was going to do

but when it went when when when the

queen heard in canada

you know and it actually went into law

in july 2021

somebody ought to shout this place down

right now

again if you have a question drop it in

the comments we’re going to take as many

of them as we can

you know uh there there’s a line and a

poem says life for me hasn’t been no

crystal stairs you you you’ve done some

amazing things but you’ve had some low

moments

talk to me about

not tina the the young adult

uh the wife of sean nadu who’s out there

sean and look looking all good and

waving at you and trying to flirt in the

middle of the message

talk to me about tina the little girl

and and how much digging

did you have to do take me to the first

shovel

okay um

so i’m a i’m the daughter of an

immigrant immigrants from india uh so

back in the 70s when there was a nursing

shortage here in the states they

recruited from india

and uh similarly where we are today with

a labor shortage and

my parents came here to a country they

did not know they did not know the

language but they were recruited and

as i started you know i was born here

but

there was such a cultural divide in our

house because when i went to

school i was a certain culture when i

went to a an american church i was a

certain culture but then when i would

come home

it was a whole nother set of rules

and the thing that was really crazy for

me growing up was i i just always felt

divided like inner conflict all day long

um because

i was i grew up in a christian home and

i think it’s

um it was a pentecostal home which

for a lot of reasons reminds me of

holiness pentecostal was very very

strict

and

my father was a very um he was a

blue-collar worker that

i i don’t know he was just a very angry

person

and

there were so many times like similar to

rebecca’s story that

i watched my mom you know work 12-hour

shifts come home serve

do all these things and still get beat

up and called crazy names and then

that

violence just extended to the children

so my older brother he would get the

brunt of it you know my father was a

fanatic about principles and how he did

things and

so he’d go to work at five in the

morning and he demanded that we get up

at five in the morning so we’d get up

for prayer at five in the morning with

him

and if if we didn’t get up we got beat

and my father was a type you know you

picked the switch off the tree he kept

it on the mantle we knew

it was coming if i heard my older

brother scream

i would try to run down the stairs

before i got the beating

that was my upbringing it was very

it was very it felt like a war zone like

you just never knew

what was gonna set him off

and i mean from the time i was a kid i

have been

thrown up against a wall i’ve you know

been beaten with hangers and switches

i’ve been chased around the house you

know

so that fear was set into me very young

my voice was silenced at a very young

age

but one of the things i really

learned from my father was that women

weren’t valued

so things that were done around the

house you know things that were expected

of us things that were said to me and my

father will tell you this even until

this day he built he felt that women and

children should be disciplined

and so it was so contradictory to what i

was learning in church

it was so contradictory to what people

were saying god was like your father and

my father was so abusive

and so

i didn’t understand that relationship

and

i can tell you i i know what it feels

like to let your cheeks cheekbones feel

like they’ve shattered i’ve passed out

i’ve had bloody noses

um i’m a tough girl

that’s why these streets don’t scare me

trust me

i i you know i fought my way all the way

until i was 18

and um

and here’s my ditch

i knew i had to get out of hell’s

kitchen

i couldn’t live there any longer there

was something inside of me that god had

called me to do and i didn’t know what

it was

but my father would literally he’d sit

in the audience if i was leading worship

and he would stare me down and he would

foam at the mouth like he would just get

angry i knew

he could punch me right after church

and i always knew how to put on my game

face we hosted pastors every weekend

and that whole thing for me

help that that taught me how to play

church

because i couldn’t understand how men of

god would come to our house

and have such a gift but not know what

was going on

behind closed doors

then get up

and

i knew it wasn’t right

but i didn’t know what to do

and when i would go to american churches

and i’d go to american counselors or

pastors

they would just kind of hush you you

know like ah

oh yeah you know

okay

and when i say you’re the first person

that i finally heard

over the pulpit talk about things that

were so taboo in the church

at 18.

i had no idea you were coming to dallas

in 1996

but god had me coming here to go to the

university of texas at arlington

and

i remember this is my ditch

as a brown kid

you know as an indian child there is

this stigma that you are a model

minority you’re supposed to be good in

math and science i i’m not good at

either one of those things and

typically you you go into being a doctor

an engineer a lawyer these high level

professional degrees

i knew that’s the only way i was going

to get out of the house now my parents

never would teach me how to go to

college i would just hustle like ear

hustle with everyone

where are you going

okay

i found out that uta had a program for

pre-med

and i made up this whole story

that my parents thought that that was my

natural next step

and so i got out here

no money fought my dad for a check now

mind you it’s different if you’re broke

but my dad was wealthy

and he wouldn’t give you a dollar

i mean there were days that my car would

break down and i would call him and he’d

say well

you know if you were here you wouldn’t

have that problem

and i’d be in the hood like social

working okay and project like drug deals

happen right in front of me

and i you know

it was like my street smart from prior

living that helped me survive

but

it was your

ministry and there were so many times in

the ministry that

every time i came to church remind you

in 96 when i found you and actually

november was when i came

and

i remember the first sunday i came in

the in the green sanctuary that we had

over there

and that first sunday i was all in like

the vision you put out

i just knew i knew i was home

and then you you were talking about the

city of refuge we were building

um and you talked about this women’s

crisis center and i was like okay i’m

going to be the director of that

whenever that happens i’m i’m going to

do that so that’s what i’m going to go

to school for

well i’m pre-med

first year school i’m flunking out

math and science

and i remember crying and praying to the

lord because mind you my father told me

i was stupid my whole life

he always told me i was good for nothing

i wasn’t intelligent i wasn’t pretty you

know i believed all these things and you

got to remember that critic

is who i hear in my head all the time

and no matter and i would constantly try

to please him to hopefully shut him shut

down the noise but he kept moving the

goal post

like you could you just never measured

up but as a kid you didn’t know that so

you just keep trying

well when i got here

and you started

speaking these messages

there was a book you wrote

daddy loves his girls

and

i i was reading the book

and all of a sudden my perspective on

who god was

that he wasn’t out to get me like my dad

but he was for me

he just gave me this whole new

perspective

and

and so i just kept coming and seven days

a week literally

i would go to school and after school

i’d drive a pioneer parkway and i’d come

right here i was in the youth council i

was in the youth group i was in that tv

building it used to be the youth

sanctuary i mean whatever you i could

get my hands in that’s what i was in i

was in the choir

you know i did everything

because i it was my lifeline

and

and so as i

okay so let me tell you about i change

degrees so i’m not pre-med anymore

but

i’m sitting there crying i’m like oh my

god i’m gonna have to go home a failure

everything he said is gonna be true

and

i’m sitting in an award ceremony at uta

and someone’s getting an award for

social work and god says clear as a day

the holy spirit sit next to me why not

social work

and i said god social work

i mean doctors make this and social

workers make sense

and clear as day god said are you a

tither

and i said yes i’m a tither he said well

money’s never going to be an issue for

you

and i can

i can be a witness to that statement

i earned this fact

as my pastor would say um

but i you know that shifted

my my degree plan but when i when i told

my parents

my dad said to me and i i still remember

he said

he said just pack your bags and come

home

he’s like you’re not smart you know he’s

like go take the postal clerk exam and

come work at this post office over here

at least you’ll have a job

and i just remember thinking god what

how do i convince my parents you told me

this

and then i come to church and you’re

saying your gift will make room for you

and bring you before great men you know

okay so i get to um that summer we go to

india

you know how jehoshaphat asked for a

prophet i didn’t ask for a prophet but i

told you a real pentecostal

so prophet came to our house in

india my parents i understand their

language i don’t speak their language

very well

the prophet doesn’t speak english

the prophet is literally praying with us

he lays hands on us he’s speaking in

tongues

social blah blah blah social and then he

stops and he goes

daughter god is calling you into social

work

now mind you it’s all in my parents

language not in english

so after the prayer session the pastor

comes to me and he again asked me in my

parents language what is social work

he never heard of it

and

when i think about how god has over and

over and over in my life just showed up

and showed out

[Applause]

what i

can say is that after i think i i

received my last two black eyes when i

was 23.

[Music]

pastor robinson over there has walked me

through so many seasons

and uh he you know

he really helped me to

clarify some things because i grew up

christian

and i remember my father didn’t come to

my wedding

wait wait wait did you say your last two

black guys you were 23 yes sir with a

master’s degree

wow

and do you know i was the first person

in my family to get a master’s degree

but they never came to celebrate

they never came to celebrate you and if

you ask my father

amongst the family functions or events

hey what’s your daughter doing now oh

she don’t know she don’t know what she’s

doing

and as a girl the only girl in the house

i would watch other indian girls

and i saw how their their dads would

dote on them and people would constantly

say to me oh you must be spoiled your

daddy’s daddy’s girl and then they knew

my father was so well off

they never knew my suffering

they never knew the cost

and when people make fun of me for

coming to this church

they don’t know

if they don’t know the healing that i

rested they received

i don’t come here for

you know like they they see me on stage

now

but they have no idea that i stopped

your sermon in the green church and i

remember

getting delivered at one point i was

dancing through your sermon and security

was fixing to sit me down and

you i heard you say leave her alone

there there were so many seasons in my

life that

you you would say something and that one

word

is what i would hold on to through the

ditch

and i would dig my way out

you said when i got fired i was like

there you go see

he was right i’m dumb i’m never gonna

and you said that that that day you said

this setback is just a setup for what

god is getting ready to do in your life

and

those things i hung onto

and and these same people that fired me

remember at 40 when we went and did the

press conference for them and they were

asking for me back

yes and you were like no

[Laughter]

that kind of stuff god has just done

over and over in my life and

i think i experienced a lot of father

hurt

and

work for me was the way that i would

succeed

you would say

the best way to shut your critic’s mouth

is to succeed

so i wouldn’t respond to my haters you

know i wouldn’t respond just kept on

working and and the work spoke for

itself and it would succeed keep digging

yeah

yeah but

but i do want to share this with you

because

for four and four decades later

your body keeps score

and

although it was easy for me to just work

and work and work

and try to push down

because i didn’t know how to deal with

feelings

but i knew how to win

so i just kept doing that

my body shut down

and i didn’t know how to get my mind

back

and ptsd is a real

real thing

um i think

god shut down the world with cobot 19 so

i could go get therapy

i you know i

i’m a clinician i’m a therapist

i used to tell everybody all the time

every therapist has a good therapist

but i myself hadn’t processed that those

triggers

the pain

and the thing that was shutting my body

down my anxiety

just out of control

but again

therapy dig a ditch

yeah yeah so for somebody

for her digging a ditch was deleting for

you you digging a ditch was getting some

therapy even though you’re a therapist

you got the therapy that you needed and

many of the things that you talk about

that happen here at the ministry

happened at a time that i didn’t like

personally know you

you know it was just

you were just facing the crowd when i

said leave her alone it was just a holy

spirit instinct that said

leave her alone you know just i just

knew

through the spirit to leave her alone

the the time that stands out strongest

me there was a dig you out moment

you were now working and leading and

running our department

and right in the middle of it you lost

your brother

and and i never saw you fall solo in in

my life

and and you kept calling me and asking

you know questions

about it

can you just touch on it for the person

who’s stuck in grief right now

and thinks he’ll never get out

sure

grief is a real thing

and i thought i had experienced it

before you know losing grandparents and

all

but i think

losing my older brother knowing that we

had went through the hell we went

through growing up and he had taken the

brunt of it

i was expecting our story to change in

the end right we gonna be on top of the

world we’re gonna you know we’re gonna

succeed we’re gonna show him

and he died on me

and he was my buffer

tony if you saw him he was 6’3 270

pounds

i wasn’t his little sister

like we you know

when we would go places tony was the one

that was always you know all right get

back

okay okay you know calm me down

would he he was the buffer

and i didn’t have the buffer anymore

and

and i went into a real dark place

i never lost god

but i lost him

i i would come here and i couldn’t find

him

and i remember

crying and leaving church one day

and i said god

i feel like i’m in this tunnel

and there’s like holes of light

a little bit coming through somewhere

even if i let go of your hand please

don’t let go of mine

i was so scared

because if i lost god

i felt like i was going to lose

everything

he’s the only thing that’s kept me

anchored

i was scared for you

i prayed for you i’ve never seen you

that low before

and maybe you’re watching tonight and

and your heart is broken

it’s the only pain

that the pharmacist has no prescription

for

there is no prescription no no aspirin

no injection

no vaccination

you just have to walk through it

[Music]

in the dark

by faith

and we walk by faith and not by

and it took a while

to see that smile come back

but it’s back now

it’s back now

it’s right now i want to

i got so much to get to i don’t i don’t

i don’t know who to pick on next

i got two michaels to pick from i think

i’m going to take this one first

okay first

talk to me about

your life and and you grew up in the

hood i did

they would have in our day call you an

at-risk child

they would have um

i grew up in the inner city dallas i

grew up in pleasant grove and in south

dallas i’ve actually had friends that

have came through your

tory program before

and yes they would call it

more so at risk only because the lack of

resources that are there it’s not the

people it’s the lack of resources

i actually

unlike most of my friends i did get a

chance to grow up in a two-parent

household

so that sets the tone

for everything even if outside of the

home there may be chaos right so you can

only stay in your house for so long your

parents can’t bubble wrap you and say oh

no you can’t go outside now you gotta

eventually go outside and when you go

outside

you see

the poverty you see

hopelessness you see

people doing whatever it is that they

have to do

to survive

and

and with that

you kind of don’t see a blueprint

for success you see a blueprint for how

to be a worker you see a blueprint for

how to be blue collar but you don’t see

a blueprint for success nobody’s running

up to your school house to say oh this

is how you do it or no one is coming to

tap you on the shoulder to say hey i

believe in you let’s go do this you kind

most of us that come from

the inner city have to find our own

niche

and hold on to that one good thing

that’ll lead us to the next level in

life

that’s that’s basically what i had to do

bishop i i believe what what really

inspired me

was

seeing the sacrifices

my parents seeing my father work two

jobs and

hurting hands hurting from doing the

work that he was doing and seeing my

mother go to work every day and getting

up early getting us dressed and then hey

y’all go on catch the bus i gotta go to

work to try to make sure that we had

enough

just had enough to go on into the next

day so when you see that type of thing a

mentality in you

comes about to where i can’t let them

down

they have done too much they have

sacrificed too much and even if you help

me understand something because

some kids see that and get better

and some kids see that and get bitter

right

some kids see that and it becomes fuel

and some kids see that and get rage

how did

how did you avoid the pitfall

of saying

all around me there’s darkness

and if my parents are working all the

time that’s one side of the story but

that’s the other side of the story is

they’re gone all the time

i think for me

i had

friends in my neighborhood where i grew

up from

that

they did different things that i

wouldn’t think about doing but i also

seen them their mother’s tears as well

see when you’re in that environment

you’re thinking that

you know if your parents work a lot or

if you come from a single-parent

household that me going out doing

something extra that may not be

legal is going to help the situation

when actually it hurts it more so i

never wanted to see

my mother cry in a courtroom i never

wanted to see

my mother cry because the police is

coming to handcuff me i didn’t want her

to see those tears i wanted my mother to

have tears of joy

from seeing me graduate or seeing me go

somewhere and do something with my life

so actually having first sight and

seeing

cousins and friends mothers actually

really get on their knees and cry and

pray to god that the police or whoever

let their child go

it does something different to you so

you can either use it as fuel or you can

you know

do you really want to see your mother

cry like that my answer was no i didn’t

want to

so you you went to school you did well

in school you you earned

you earned a sociological bachelor of

arts degree in 2011 from southeastern

oklahoma state university a mba in 2013

from the university of phoenix and his

doctorate he got his doctorate of

business administration from walden

university this year

thank you

how

with little money

okay

you got no money bishop no money

what kept you going

um so

i hold a lot of different promises

near and dear to my heart and um i i

want to tell this story only because i

do mentor a lot of young men and they

have either their grandmother and if

you’re lucky

you actually got a chance to see your

great-grandmother as well i was lucky

enough

to where my father was not raised by his

mother he was raised by his grandmother

which equally was my great grandmother

and those people from the 1920s are

different yes they live by a different

creed they live by a different cold i

think you talked about this in your last

song they live off survival yes

my great grandmother did not

she didn’t finish middle school she had

to go to work

so i believe i was in college at the

time and she was i was going through a

lot of different things in college i

actually went i believe i went through

depression in college because what i

wanted to do

i couldn’t no longer do anymore and i

was just trying to find my way

and from for most kids that grew up in

the inner city sports is a way out

sports was actually a way for me to go

out i got my even though i graduated

from southeastern oklahoma state my

first

way of getting out of dallas texas i

went to howard university

that’s a permanent african-american

school

[Music]

that’s right that’s pretty cool right

and uh but

i never got a chance to play i didn’t

get a chance to play because i hurt

myself my freshman year then i really

hurt myself my sophomore year so all of

that stuff is up in the air because i

can’t do something that i been

accustomed to doing for a long time

actually kind of find a little identity

in it right and so i had a chance in the

summertime

to have a car ride with my great

grandmother

and that car ride changed my whole

outlook of life she said baby i don’t

know what you gonna do what she tell you

i don’t care what you do

but can you just

finish school for me

can you just finish school for me

big mama never got an education

and

that blew

my mind because normally when we talk

it’s not that serious

i didn’t even turn the radio like

usually you know she was like you can

turn your radio up you know young kids

play the radio and stuff like that but

when we were talking it was dead silence

i know i had the radio on i didn’t hear

nothing that day i didn’t hear anything

and she was like can you just finish

school for me

do something

that no other male in our family has

done

and when i thought about that i say wow

she’s right i think only my uncle

was the only one that went to school

so i took that to heart and i ran with

it and so every level there’s no excuses

for me not to go out

and go accomplish at all what is the

highest level of education i don’t care

if i’m smart enough or not smart enough

i figured it out because i

made a promise to that woman that i

would make sure her last name would mean

something

wow

well she she must have she she must have

tried got to cry some tears of joy

to see you make the accomplishments that

you’ve made

uh because my eyes are a little wet too

give it up for him one more time and

let’s appreciate it

don’t forget if you’ve got questions

that you want to send in don’t be afraid

to send them in we’ll be glad to answer

your questions we’re having an

opportunity to learn how to dig your way

out of the adversities of life where you

start doesn’t matter where you finish is

everything

where you finish it’s everything

and there might be some rest stops along

the way and there may be some road

blocks along the way and you may have a

flat tire and you may have to thumb

but if you make up in your mind you’re

going to get there you’re going to get

there and don’t let anybody turn you

around don’t let

anybody

turn

you around

you almost turned around michael

phillips you you you you’re a pk

uh you grew up in a christian home

uh your father was a pastor you come

from generations of preachers

and

and you you

you ended up

in a mess

tell us about it

absolute mess

not just a mess a hot mess

yeah i’m a fourth generation preacher

uh who vowed that he would never preach

ever ever but that didn’t work out quite

well for me

and the reason i vowed i would never

preach was because my father he died

when i was 12.

and that just caused the pain that still

to this day

i have issues with

and like my brother dr michael over

there

i also

[Music]

had an escape from some of that pain

through sports

and for me it was basketball that was

going to be my passport to the world

but my freshman year in college on a

full-ride scholarship

i got into a car accident wait wait let

me slow you down a little bit

you lost your father at

how were you 12 i was 12 you were 12. i

was 16.

what did he mean to you

everything he was my model

he was my father was a pastor and

full-time truck driver he had his own

rig

and he would drive during the week and

then passed the church on the weekends

and

he was my model

he was my anchor

he was

everything i thought a man was supposed

to be

and when

he died suddenly he had a

he had a stroke he had a blood clot in

his leg that traveled from his leg

to his brain

and burst

which caused a stroke and a heart attack

simultaneously

that he didn’t recover from

and i remember being at camp

i was at a basketball sports camp

when i found out he was sick and in the

hospital

and they told me he was going to be all

right

everybody said he was going to be all

right

and they came to get me early from the

camp

they didn’t tell me that he had died

i can still see the bathroom of the

hotel across from the hospital

that my mother and grandmother brought

me into

i can still see the faces in the room

everybody was

full of grief and you can see their eyes

well with water so i knew something was

wrong

and they took me in the bathroom

because they didn’t want

me to run or

make a scene

and i just cried

but not violently

just without understanding

he was my model you always say

that

it’s hard to become what you don’t see

i will add to that to say

but it’s very easy to become what you’re

always exposed to

and because i lost my model

it became easier for me

to go to the street

because that’s what i was exposed to so

a little church where he grows up in

church singing hymns clapping hands

praising god

with a father and a mother and fourth

fourth generation

didn’t want to preach ended up being a

preacher

ended up being a drug dealer

yeah

all the way

not just a little bit

i was slanging y’all for real for real

right

live it was it was serious business

yeah

yeah we we you don’t even look like a

director no that’s for see that was the

kick that’s the cool thing about

well i’m sorry was it was

it was the cool thing about it

that i could play in different worlds

i could play in different worlds and so

church became my cover

the church with your cover that was my

cover

i would play the drums and i would play

the piano on sunday

i didn’t know that

but the rest of the week

i was out there getting money yeah that

was my cover and i did that all through

high school

until i got my scholarship

and then i decided

i can have a different life

so i thought i was going to have a

different life you thought you were dead

for life yeah you thought you were going

to have a

a different life

you thought you were right yeah i

thought

so i thought yeah yeah

but you you you were a drug dealer with

all due respect you wasn’t that good

because you got caught

well not quite

don’t say it like that it don’t fail

so how did you end up

i lost my scholarship got to the car

accident this is important because

in the car accident i woke up in the

hospital

my lord torso got caught underneath the

dash my upper torso went through the

windshield

and i woke up in the hospital strapped

to a board

and i couldn’t feel anything

and then they rushed me into surgery

and then when i came to

i’m in the hospital

with my leg

surgically

done up

and they told me i would never walk

again let alone play ball again

so in my recovery

which was more painful not physically

but mentally and emotionally

because i had lost my passport to the

world

because no one ever told me i could be

something different

than a ball player

so a doctor or a lawyer or anything else

was

was out of the car as a matter of fact

from first grade all the way up to

middle school

i was told i would end up in jail

it wasn’t until my senior year that

somebody told me i was smart

and so

to go back to the smart part

of not being a bad drug dealer

the way we got caught was by accident

some guy

was running from local narc police

and he ran into one of our stash houses

we had we had a whole block full of

stash houses we we actually had the

whole block and then we had an abandoned

school across the street

so we controlled about three miles who

is wish me and my team my

you and your team my squad

your squad so a squad and a gang is sort

of the same thing same thing we weren’t

a gang yeah yeah this was this was a

group of guys

ironically this was a group of guys

who

had disappointments and setbacks we all

went to school together

but we all decided we was going to sell

drugs together

and so some kid ran into the stash house

running from local narc police was your

mother still preaching my mama was

preaching every sunday so now you got a

single mother still preaching every

sunday

raising an angry black man

that’s right

and boy was i angry

i didn’t know

what to do with my pain

and what i discovered was

the pain that you are not willing to

transform

you will transmit

wait a minute

the pain that you’re not willing to

transform

you will transmit you will transmit

that’s a tweetable right there

the pain that you’re not willing to

transform you will transmit dig into

that a little bit more i transmitted my

pain through anger

and

i built a facade

of having power

as a drug dealer

over all of these other people

who were

self-medicating their pain

i didn’t self-medicate my pain

my medicine was power

and so

i exercised my power

by being angry by being a quote-unquote

boss

by by telling

addicts what to do and where to go

by overseeing

the

the little little dudes on the corner

that we would watch and they would hit

people off

and thinking that i’m going to be a

kingpin or something like that

and that’s what i did with my pain

so i transmitted it to everybody i came

in contact with

because i didn’t know how to transform

that didn’t come till later

i want every single mother

raising a black boy

to hear this but i also

want

couples to hear this because it’s not

just single

black mothers that run the risk of

raising

a boy that you love but has an anger you

can’t get out

it is possible to be a father and have a

son

who’s angry in a way that you can’t

get out

this this is a real problem in our

community what he just touched on

is a real problem in our community

repressed anger

and he says rather than to medicate it

his drug of choice was power

well power can manifest itself in a lot

of different ways

it can manifest itself in abuse

it can manifest itself in murder it can

manifest itself in rage it can manifest

itself in crime it can manifest itself a

lot of different ways power can take on

a lot and i only say that so you can

help so i can help you identify

that what you call demons and what you

call devils and what you’re putting all

might be an angry child who’s angry

about something that they didn’t get and

i want you to at least understand it

this angry young black man

who had every reason to turn out right

ends up turning out wrong

because he’s he’s mad about daddy

fact with the exception of him

everybody on this stage was mad about

daddy

he either either he was abusive

either he was

beating me

or he left me

giving giving you more mama didn’t

didn’t replace

not having daddy that made it worse it

made it worse it made it worse so so the

best thing my mother did

was to let me

take my lumps

it’s the best thing that she did

because there was nothing that she could

do but just love me

even if that was from a distance

even if that was going to be

through a jail cell

so saving you from trouble and getting

you out of trouble and fighting for you

wasn’t helping you you you had to bump

your own head i had to bump my own head

because discipline for a man

is an expression of love that’s right

and in the absence of yeah yeah yeah

yeah

we we don’t believe you love us

if there’s no discipline there and the

disciplinary the disciplinary individual

that you expected was gone so discipline

had to come

when a church boy who grew up sitting in

a playing drums ended up sitting in a

jail cell yes sir take me there

you never forget

the eerie clink

of a jail

cell door shutting

it echoes and it reverberates around the

concrete floors and center block walls

and when they shut that door on me i was

in pre-trial detention

they set my bail at 10

million dollars

they gave me a recall charge

and i was facing 30 years

in jail

so here i am in pre-trial detention now

me and my

dumb self

that’s the better word of choice being

my dumb self

is thinking well i’m gonna be in here

with my homies i’m good like we gonna go

up you know we we go i’m straight

because i know everybody in there

but they put me in federal prison

and then they took me i so

i turned my own self in

i don’t want to leave that part out

i was on the run when the guys raided

our spot because we didn’t know who was

trying to hit us

federal officers raided my mother’s

house

when i found that out

i figured let me take off and figure

things out later

so i’m going down i-95

i’m in richmond and from from baltimore

i’m in richmond in about two and a half

hours on a good day that’s a four hour

drive

i’m there in two and a half

moving

getting out of dodge

i stopped at a bob evans

to eat

i know what about i’ll never forget it

i stopped out of bob evans to eat

and my mother called me on my neck at

this hour before right we’re going a

next tell two-way

and she hit me up and she said baby

whatever you’re facing we can face

together say my can’t talk to you talk

to you later

you know i gotta go

got in my car

heading down 95 trying to get to florida

and all of a sudden

i knew i had to turn around

i knew if i kept running this was going

to be my life

and i didn’t want it to be my life and

so i decided to turn around the problem

was i was in the wrong lane

on a very busy intersection

and so i had to flag roll my window down

flag everybody down and literally just

kind of beg for help to get over

and that’s when i learned that wrong

lanes

have right turns wow

yeah

wrong lanes have right turns

let let me do this because cause because

this is a big story

and and it’s got a lot of twists and

turns in it it it includes

almost staying in jail

a judge making a decision

that landed him in oru instead of prison

and

he was high at oru

at a chapel service am i doing good

you’re doing real good okay

and and

and ended up

getting saved

finishing school

and he made a statement to me the other

day

[Applause]

i went to prison but my son went to

harvard

my son went to harvard that’s right

class of 2020

class of 2020. yeah

the statement wrong lanes have right

turns

you’ve got a book coming out your first

book my first book ever

wrong lanes have right turns

if if you’ve ever been in a wrong lane

like any of the lanes we talked about up

here

and you can’t figure out how to get out

or you or your daughter is in or your

son is in

or your sister is in or your mother is

in a wrong lane and you can’t figure out

how to make a right turn

i certainly recommend that you order

this book on amazon and i’m not trying

to sell books

i’m trying to stop us

from having wrong turns

after wrong lanes

that that that if it if it were possible

for somebody

who ended up could have been paralyzed

all your life

could be in jail right now right now

right now

and

i heard your son deliver

the address

for princeton my son gave

the commencement address

for the class of harvard

2020. harvard i’m sorry it’s on youtube

you can check it out yeah

it was so amazing i listened to it three

times

and then called him

in baltimore to tell him how amazing he

was it doesn’t matter where you started

mine is where you’re finished

that’s right bishop

can i tell him the picture on that cover

real quick what that means

just for a second put the cover back off

so this cover of this book is me at 12

years old six months after my father

died

and instead of going to church that my

mom dragged me to i decided to go down

on the corner and play dice

because i hated going to church because

it reminded me of my father’s death

that little 12 year old boy

was angry scared confused

and the world’s worst enemy

but what god has done in my life

the very building

the very church

that i was in front of playing dice 17

years later i’m sorry my pastor’s had

about to kick in 17 years later

i started my church in that building

so when you talk about digging your way

out

you gotta keep digging

and if you don’t have a shovel remember

god’s got a drill he’ll get down as far

as he’s got to get to get you out of

what you are in

all of us up here are a living witness

and a test come on somebody our living

witness and a testimony to what god can

i don’t think it can be said any better

than that

i don’t think it can be said any better

than that and we’re just about out of

time i don’t see any questions on the

screen

i’m

oh lulu asked bishop

how do you learn to trust god in the

midst of your digging what if you’re

digging isn’t working

if if you’re alive to write the question

you can’t say the digging isn’t working

you can you can only lulu you can only

say that it isn’t working as fast as you

want it to work

the stories that you see up here didn’t

happen as fast as they told it

they told it in a few minutes but they

lived it over decades

they lived it over decades

and literally what you got to understand

is there are no quick fixes to

complicated problems

this woman is working a job

and still wrestling with the problem for

years while raising her child and

raising herself

this this young man didn’t get out of

the hood and end up with a doctorate

degree quick

so when you say

how do you trust god in the midst of

your digging what if you’re digging

isn’t working that that last question

what if you’re digging isn’t working is

satanic

that’s what the enemy says to you

when god is working on your life

he tries to make you think that it’s not

working

and you and you and the first question

is is is definitely christian how do you

trust god in the midst of your digging

you got nobody else to trust

you got no other place to go you got

nothing else that’s gonna have a

positive end we trust god because we got

nobody else we can trust there’s nobody

to trust like god not your mother not

your father not your sister not your

brother not your lover not your lady not

your boyfriend not your girlfriend i

don’t care what you’re into you got

nobody you can trust like you can trust

god to fix your life but just because he

doesn’t work with your time schedule

doesn’t mean that he’s not working in

your behalf

now and the final thing i want to say to

lulu is don’t let your emotions be

misunderstood as faith

it doesn’t have to feel like it’s

working to be working

it doesn’t have to look like it’s

working to be working it’s working when

it doesn’t feel like it’s working it’s

working when it doesn’t look like it’s

working it’s working when you don’t see

like it’s working it’s still working in

your behalf it didn’t look like it was

working on this young man right here it

didn’t look like it was working for her

right there i can remember preaching

sunday after sunday after sunday and her

face didn’t change and the mask of grief

was all over her and it didn’t look like

it was working but i kept preaching and

preaching and preaching and preaching

and preaching and preaching and

preaching and one day a smile broke out

on her face and one day she started

clapping her hands again and one day she

got up on her feet again it doesn’t

happen on your schedule but that doesn’t

mean it’s not working

i’ll take another quick question

jones john 98 asks how do you not

self-sabotage when you’re building for

expansion and how do you become

comfortable in success how do you not

self-sabotage you may need therapy

you may need counseling you may need to

talk to somebody you need to identify

self-sabotaging behaviors that exist in

your life and delete delete delete

delete delete until you get down to

something solid and stable and secure

and that is a journey that is a journey

my friend that is a process that’s not

me laying hands on you and you fall out

in the floor and you get up and you find

no it’s not like that you don’t still

have different things in your life you

got to work through to get to the bottom

of identifying self-sabotaging

behaviors that work in your life

and then when you get in success it’s

going to feel weird

and it’s going to feel awkward but but

when you get in success

sit in it anyway

sit in it feeling funny feeling awkward

feeling out of place feeling like you

playing a role in a movie feeling like

it’s really not you eventually you’re

going to begin to wear it and it’s going

to fit you and it’s going to become you

but the reason that you don’t feel

comfortable in it is because it’s

foreign to you

and but anything foreign eventually

becomes familiar

it starts out foreign it works its way

to familiar and you lose your fear of

the people up there

and you you lose your fear of the air up

there and you start belonging up there

till all of a sudden when you get ready

to go back to where you used to be now

you feel uncomfortable there because

even though they knew you when they

don’t know you now

you’re gonna you’re gonna win if you

don’t quit

you’re gonna get comfortable if you

don’t quit you’re gonna settle into it

if you don’t quit but at first when you

walk around in it it’s gonna feel like

you’re living in somebody else’s house

that you’re working somebody else’s job

that you’re living somebody else’s dream

and you’re not gonna feel worthy of the

position that you’re in and you’re not

gonna own it yet it takes a while to own

it it takes a while to own it and rest

in it and relax in it and part of the

biggest problem is it’s the fear that it

won’t last

the fear that it won’t last and that’s

not just money that’s love that’s

relationships that’s people that’s

children we live with the fear that it

won’t last

but while you’re living with the fear

that it won’t last it’s lasting

and little by little by little by little

you start to relax into it and say oh

it’s not going anywhere because it’s not

what’s happening around me it’s what

came out of me

it’s mine it’s really mine i really

earned it i really built it that’s why

it’s important that it not be given to

you you have to earn it with your own

two hands so because if i give it to you

i can take it from you

but if you build it yourself it’s yours

and you own it and you can walk in it

thank you for your question

there’s a couple of things i want you to

do i want to encourage you to go back

and and share and watch bill for

expansion and and dig your way out on

the official youtube channel i want to

encourage you to watch the tory

graduation that we just put up on our

youtube channel and see

and now that you have seen the woman who

is running it not only do you see the

story of the lives she’s changed you

begin to understand why the devil beat

her all her life because he knew she was

going to grow up and change 30 000

people’s lives

and he tried to shut her down and stop

her from getting there her story

proves why

hell was afraid of her in the first

place and whatever you do whatever you

do tonight i want you to go on amazon

and i want you to find wrong lanes have

right turns and i want you to pre-order

it so you be the first one to get your

copy and i don’t want you to just read

it i want you to study it i want you to

write notes on the side of it i want you

to pick out little parts that speak to

you and speak to your situation because

it is a guide how to deal with anger

that’s gone out of control in young men

and young women in old men in old women

anger will hit anybody and it comes out

in anxiety

and frustration and a coldness and a

disconnection from other people where

you will not allow intimacy to invade

your space because deep down inside

anger becomes defenses that guards your

hurt

but the walls will come down if you keep

walking around them long enough the

walls will come down and wrong lanes

will have right turns i want you to

study it i want you to get a study group

i want you to get a book club i want you

to start talking about it online i want

you to start ministering to each other i

want you to share it with your son i

want you to have a conversation about it

i want you to do it in such a way

because there’s healing and deliverance

available for you right now and i want

to pray for you right now in the name of

jesus if you’ve been on the wrong lane

if you found it difficult to make a

right turn if you’ve come from an

impossible situation if you’ve had a

grief that you couldn’t get over if

you’ve been in a situation where you’re

all uh in a position but on the on the

outside but on the inside your heart is

broken and you feel unworthy and you

feel dysfunctional and you’re all

dressed up but on the inside you’re all

tore up i want to pray for you right now

that the healing delivering power of the

holy spirit will come into your life and

touch you if you’re about to give up on

your dream and you’re halfway there and

you feel like you want to quit and drop

out of school and drop out of your dream

or give up your business or walk away

from your house or walk away from your

life i want to pray for you right now

that you have the experience this young

man had in his car that arrest you that

makes you fight a little bit further and

dig a little further till you get a

breakthrough in your life in fact if

you’re in this room and you’re going

through that and you’re out of breath

and you’re digging and the water hasn’t

come yet and you’re digging and you

don’t see any water and there hadn’t

been any wind and there hadn’t been any

rain and you’re about to pass out with

your shovel in your hand i want you to

run up here and let me pray for you

while i pray for them because you will

not die in this wilderness and you will

not die with your shovel in your hand

you will not stop digging until you come

out with a testimony and i want you to

see yourself on this stage and i want

you to see yourself telling your story

on this panel and i want you to see

yourself coming out because if you can

envision the invisible you can do the

impossible if you can get it in your

mind it can happen in your life it can

happen to you i want you to envision

yourself writing your book i want you to

envision yourself with your doctorate

degree i want to envision yourself on

your television show i want you to

envision yourself changing the lives of

inmates all over the world and speaking

to parliaments and speaking to nations i

want you to envision yourself because

these people are ordinary people they’re

not celebrities they’re not stars

they’re not famous they’re just people

who kept digging they don’t have any

magic tricks there are no magic bags

there are no supernatural angels

standing over their head dropping dust

down on them that you cannot have the

same power that raised them from the

dead will also quicken your mortal body

and raise you and deliver you if you own

drugs he’ll deliver you if you’re

selling drugs he’ll deliver you if

you’re suicidal he’ll deliver you if

you’ve got a history of falling in love

with bad men and bad women he’ll deliver

you if you’re in a situation where

you’re being beat down even after the

whipping stuff you’re still beating on

yourself he will deliver you jesus died

that you might live and that you might

have life more abundantly and i want to

pray for you that are in this circle and

i want to pray for you that online that

the power of the holy spirit would touch

you and meet you where you are right now

father in the name of jesus lift your

hands up father right now in the name of

jesus as i lift up your sons and

daughters before you some of them are

tired they’re digging and they’re tired

and they’re digging and they’re hurt and

they’re digging and they’re angry and

they’re digging and they’re frustrated

and they’re digging and they’re upset

and they’re digging and they’re confused

but oh my god today in the name of jesus

strengthen their hands strengthened

their resolve strengthened their

commitment they’ve come too far to give

up they’ve come too far to give in

they’ve come too far to give out and

father i pray in the name of jesus that

by the power of the holy spirit that you

would give them the strength to keep on

digging till they get what they’re after

their sons are looking their daughters

are looking their parents are looking

their neighbors are looking their

sisters and brothers and little sisters

and little brothers are looking at them

and i pray right now in the name of

jesus that the people around this altar

will be the first in their family to do

something amazing i don’t care what it

is i don’t care whether it’s getting a

degree start a business or bake a cookie

i want you to do something that you’ve

never done before the man with the

withered hand did something he’d never

done with before and stretch forth his

hand the man who was laid daily at the

gate called beautiful did something that

he’d never done before he picked up his

bed and started walking the man who was

sick of palsy did something that he’d

never done before he was lowered into

the presence of jesus and changed and

that’s how you know you’re delivered

when you do something that you’ve never

done before i believe god with you right

now and all of you that are watching

online that you’re going to do something

that you’ve never done before god is

going to do a wonder in your life i

decree and declare in the name of jesus

that the power of the holy spirit will

begin an inner work in your life that’s

so strong that you won’t stop digging

till you see the waters fill up the

ditches and fill up the whales and fill

up the holes and fill up the hurts and

fill up the pain and fill up the agony

and fill up the strife in your life

right now in the name of jesus he whom

the son has set free is free indeed and

i speak freedom over your life i speak

freedom over your life i speak freedom

over addictions i speak freedom over

anger and frustration and resentment and

envy and strife and guilt and despair i

pray in the name of jesus that god would

touch you right where you are

and that you would never be the same

again

and that you find your right turn

that you find your right turn

that you find your mr fun

that you find the purpose of your life

to go back to the inner city where you

came from and be different from them

that you find the power of god to change

30 000 inmates

and address nations

i pray god that you would do something

that would blow your mind

i pray god that god would touch you in

such a supernatural way

that you would do something so amazing

that you will replace the people on in

these chairs

and tell your story to the world

there is a story in you that’s dying to

come out

there’s a story in you that’s dying to

come out

there’s a story in you with a happy

ending there’s a story in you with a

bright future all you got to do is keep

digging and you’re going to hit it

you’re watching online there’s a story

in you that’s yet to be told it ain’t

over yet

it ain’t over yet keep digging

keep digging the water is coming it

doesn’t come in a weekend it doesn’t

come in a week sometimes it doesn’t come

in a year but if you keep digging

everything god promised you is going to

come to pass you don’t get no doctorate

degree in a year you don’t get a doctor

degree in two years you don’t get it in

four years he had to fight for it and

work for it and sweat for it and work a

job and work a job and study late at

night while other people were acting a

fool it’s time for you to discipline

yourself and get down to the business at

hand because god has a plan for your

life i feel the anointing of the holy

ghost through this place right now

touching every part of you right now

changing every part of you right now

breathing life into every part of you

and you ain’t seen nothing yet the holy

ghost is touching you and setting you

free and i want everybody standing up

here to give god some kind of praise and

i want everybody online to give god some

kind of praise and i want to hear

praises fill up this building

[Music]

come on and praise it

come on and praise them online

praise them in your living room

praise them on your couch

praise them in your dining room praise

it at your kitchen table

praise them in your car pray them over

your phone praise it praise them on

facebook praise them on youtube let

everything that have breath praise ye

the lord god ain’t through with you yet

it ain’t good english but it’s great

faith god ain’t through with you yet

god ain’t through with you they said

he’d never walk they said he’d never be

free they put a 10 million dollar bond

on him and he’s preaching and walking

and living and moving and god ain’t

through with you yet your story isn’t

over you don’t have to end up like your

friends you don’t have to die in the

street you don’t have to be a statistic

[Music]

father as we come to the end of this

bible class i pray this word would burn

in somebody’s heart

tell us all they think about tonight

i pray it would burn into somebody’s

heart until they started deleting

numbers

our prayer would burn into somebody’s

heart until their life is so changed

that they completely

change directions

i pray that you would heal somebody

who’s been beaten

all their life

they may have been beaten all their

lives

but i pray they never believe it

they never accept it

they never own it

they never claim it and i pray that

somebody got the courage tonight

to rebuild your life

and expand yourself

and get ready for better

because better is coming

your way

god bless you have a great night

[Music]

you

Dig Your Way Out Of It – Bishop T.D. Jakes and Friends

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